I have to first apologize to anyone who actually reads this blog for not writing in about a month. All of this moving and starting a new job has kept me somewhat occupied. Regardless, I should have blogged. Sorry.
Now that is done, let's get down to the topic that has been on my mind.
What really makes your home, your home?
When I first got to college home was St. Louis, MO. That is where I grew, my friends were, my immediate family resided, and was all that I knew. As college progressed, I found myself labeling vists to St. Louis as visiting my parents and labeling returning to Columbus, OH as returning home. Now that I have moved permanently to Midland, MI (at least for the foreseeabl;e future). My apartment is starting to feel more like home. I feel the most ease when I am in my apartment and resting on my loveseat. With all of this transformation, I find myself asking. What really makes your home, your home?
After talking to some of those people who made me feel that Columbus was my home, I came up with a few things that are essential to making any place feel like you are home.
1) Being with people that genuinely care for you - I think that regardless of where you are in life, everyone needs that group of people that will look out for them and support them in everything that they do. These people will also tell you when you are messing up and help you get through. These are also the people that you could call at 3am and know that they won't be upset.
2) Having a place where you feel the most at ease - Everyone has their safe haven. This is the place where they feel free to do what every they want and know that they will not be judged. For me, it is in my apartment. Maybe this is true because I know that it is my space and no one elses. I pay all of the bills, I live alone and I am responsible for everything that happens in that space and because of that, I feel a maximum level of comfort when I am there. For some people, a place of ease may not be the place where they rest their heads. For others it might be church, a community center, a band roon, an athletic field, and the list goes on an on. The one thing that is common is that everyone needs that place. Its a place where you can fully relax and think about your life. Being in my place of ease is so therapeutic. Without it I would go from the calm and casual guy that you know me as to the most stressed out person ever.
3) Having a vested interest in that area - This criteria is really more applicable to when you are labeling a general geographic region as home. For example, Midland, MI is now home for me. It is where I live and work so I have a vested interest in the community that I am in which contributes to the feeling of home. Some people may not like the regions in which they live but I believe that everyone in some way has interest in those places in which they reside. No matter of where you are, people have pride for the areas in which they live. In St. Louis, it was always a big thing to ask people what high school they went to, regardless or age, and no matter of how you personally felt about your school you would always represent for them because that school is apart of what makes you, you. This is exactly what I mean when I say a vested interest in an area. These places are what define your character and because of that, they hold a special palce in your heart and mind regardless of how you feel about the quality of life it provides.
I have heard many people say that home is much more than a geogrpahic location, this i believe to be true. However, I also believe that home must be grounded on some geographical foundation. I have heard people say that home is wherever my family or freidns are. To a certain extent this is true if you are saying this is where they reside or spend the majority of their time. However, the blanket statement of wherever they are is home is proposterous to me. If I am on vacation with my family, the hotel is not home. So by applying this restriction, home must be attahced to some real geographical location. The location that you all home may change from time to time but it is still a location and is part of what home really is.
After reveiwing some of the statements that I made, I ran into the thought that I can fulfill these criteria in multiple locations all at the same time. This is especially true now that my friends from high school and college are moving all across the country but I continue to stay in contact with them. As I was thinking though, home has a distinct combination of all three criteria that is unable to be reproduced in any other location. Because of this, home is home. I can have friends and fmaily in different parts of the world which makes that part special in its own right but its not home. It's not where I long for after a long day of work. It's not what I think to return to after an extended vacation. At the end of the day home is where I want to be and that makes home, home.
It is what it is.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Friends. How many of us have them?
One thing that I have realized that is it very difficult for a man and woman to be close friends. There is always the possibility the one is wanting to be more than friends or one thinks the other wants to. Regardless of if it is true or not, these realities make a close friendship with a member of the opposite sex very challenging.
I've been thinking a lot about this and I have realized that the things that make a close friendship what it is are very similar to the things that make a relationship what it is minus the physicality.
* One caveat. For the rest of this post, unless otherwise specified, the term relationship should be understood to be like a boyfriend/girlfriend type of relationship.
1. A close friend is someone who you can trust with your most guarded secrets and you look to for advice. That friend is the person you turn to when you are backed up against the wall and you can't figure a way out. In my opinion, a relationship should be the same way. You should be able to trust the person that you are with in that sense with the things that are closest to your heart.
2. A close friend is someone who you will say and do anything that you feel that is in their best interest regardless of how it may make them feel about you at the time. If you cannot trust a friend to be completely honest with you, then who can you trust? This is not saying that you should tell your friends everything about you. This just means that when soliciting advice, a close friend has the obligation to tell the truth without a censor. The truth can hurt but in my experience the consequences of not knowing the truth hurts more in the end. A relationship is a little different depending on the stage and/or seriousness of the relationship. However, being that I am 22 years old, I am at the stage of my life where I consider relationships to be serious commitments and could have life-long implications. Speaking from that point, a relationship should be the same way. That person is on that you depend because at the end of the day, that is the person that you decided to share you life with in a way different then any other person that you are engaged with.
3. A close friend is someone that cares for you so deeply that if conflict exists between the two, then it will cause that person's life to be all out of sorts until the situation is resolved. Have you ever been in an argument that was so intense that it messed up your day, week, or month? That is what I am talking about. Emotions that run so deep that once the balance in thrown off, everything else in your life is also thrown off. I think this happens because a close friend knows you so well that they know what buttons to push to send you reeling. In arguments, people say things that are not warranted and can be harsh and because of that arguments with friends are dangerous. Knowledge is definitely power in this sense.
So...what can you do? It is silly to think that men and women should not be close friends, even though that their are very popular sayings that overwhelmingly contrary. Part of me feels that the only way to deal with what could become an issue later is to address it every so often. I was watching Miracle with a very good friend yesterday and Coach Herb Brooks said to his players that you do not defend the Soviets, you attack them. It is like saying that the best defense is a good offense. Anyways, away from sports references and back to the issue at hand. Wouldn't that be a awkward conversation though?
Man: Hey whats up
Woman: Nothing Much
Man: I have to tell you something
Woman: What?
Man: Well, I think you should know that I really care about you as a friend but I do not have romantic feelings for you
Woman: Well, I don't have them for you either.
Man: That's good then
Woman: I agree
Man: Let's go see a movie or something
Could you imagine if people had regular conversations like this, just to make sure that nothing had changed and everyone was still friends? What would come of this? There would probably be a lot less fights between friends but I think that this approach is to practical and methodical to be part of a real friendship. Friends are the ones whom you can be silly around, say ridiculous things to and with, and act a fool without the fear of being serious judged or ridiculed. Having friendships like this are therapeutic. The world is too serious for you not to have someone who you can let loose in front of.
Ahh well, it is what it is.
I've been thinking a lot about this and I have realized that the things that make a close friendship what it is are very similar to the things that make a relationship what it is minus the physicality.
* One caveat. For the rest of this post, unless otherwise specified, the term relationship should be understood to be like a boyfriend/girlfriend type of relationship.
1. A close friend is someone who you can trust with your most guarded secrets and you look to for advice. That friend is the person you turn to when you are backed up against the wall and you can't figure a way out. In my opinion, a relationship should be the same way. You should be able to trust the person that you are with in that sense with the things that are closest to your heart.
2. A close friend is someone who you will say and do anything that you feel that is in their best interest regardless of how it may make them feel about you at the time. If you cannot trust a friend to be completely honest with you, then who can you trust? This is not saying that you should tell your friends everything about you. This just means that when soliciting advice, a close friend has the obligation to tell the truth without a censor. The truth can hurt but in my experience the consequences of not knowing the truth hurts more in the end. A relationship is a little different depending on the stage and/or seriousness of the relationship. However, being that I am 22 years old, I am at the stage of my life where I consider relationships to be serious commitments and could have life-long implications. Speaking from that point, a relationship should be the same way. That person is on that you depend because at the end of the day, that is the person that you decided to share you life with in a way different then any other person that you are engaged with.
3. A close friend is someone that cares for you so deeply that if conflict exists between the two, then it will cause that person's life to be all out of sorts until the situation is resolved. Have you ever been in an argument that was so intense that it messed up your day, week, or month? That is what I am talking about. Emotions that run so deep that once the balance in thrown off, everything else in your life is also thrown off. I think this happens because a close friend knows you so well that they know what buttons to push to send you reeling. In arguments, people say things that are not warranted and can be harsh and because of that arguments with friends are dangerous. Knowledge is definitely power in this sense.
So...what can you do? It is silly to think that men and women should not be close friends, even though that their are very popular sayings that overwhelmingly contrary. Part of me feels that the only way to deal with what could become an issue later is to address it every so often. I was watching Miracle with a very good friend yesterday and Coach Herb Brooks said to his players that you do not defend the Soviets, you attack them. It is like saying that the best defense is a good offense. Anyways, away from sports references and back to the issue at hand. Wouldn't that be a awkward conversation though?
Man: Hey whats up
Woman: Nothing Much
Man: I have to tell you something
Woman: What?
Man: Well, I think you should know that I really care about you as a friend but I do not have romantic feelings for you
Woman: Well, I don't have them for you either.
Man: That's good then
Woman: I agree
Man: Let's go see a movie or something
Could you imagine if people had regular conversations like this, just to make sure that nothing had changed and everyone was still friends? What would come of this? There would probably be a lot less fights between friends but I think that this approach is to practical and methodical to be part of a real friendship. Friends are the ones whom you can be silly around, say ridiculous things to and with, and act a fool without the fear of being serious judged or ridiculed. Having friendships like this are therapeutic. The world is too serious for you not to have someone who you can let loose in front of.
Ahh well, it is what it is.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
New Beginnings
Hello to all of those that might actually read this blog. From here on out, I hope you enjoy the content that I post and even if you don't, I really don't care much. It is my blog and I do what I want. Seriously though, thanks for visiting.
So, starting this blog is part of the plan of creating the post-college Patrick Alan West. I have told a few people some of my plans like not wearing an earing anymore or wearing glasses all the time (once i get a new pair) and their response was "why do you wanna change your image?" My answer to that question is really, why not? I am transitioning to a new period in my life and because of that, a careful inspection of the things that I do is warranted.
Right Now here is part of creating the new me
1. Stop wearing the earing (I can't wear it at work and it adds no value so why bother)
2. Eat healthy
3. Exercise regularly
4. Learn to play golf
5. Wear glasses
6. Watch the news (or read the newspaper) everyday
7. Reflect on my thoughts and write them down (this is the purpose of the blog)
8. Find a volunteer opportunity that I enjoy in Midland
9. Become more involved at church
10. Make intentional efforts to stay in touch with my college friends
11. Ask for things more often
This is the list so far but I am sure that it will be edited as I get into my job and get used to being around Midland. For those of you reading this and that know me, I am going to need your help. Please make sure that I am staying on track and if you have any suggestions of things that I might enjoy and would enrich my experience, let me know.
For those who go to Ohio State, you have probably heard about Chalk the Walk for commencement week. In my chalking, I wrote, "College last for 4 years but memories last a lifetime..." In my reflection about what makes me, me versus what are things I need to improve on in my life, I have found it hard to sift through the years of habits and doing what others do to really determine who I really am. Being separated from all that I know and love (besides my car) will probably give me some clarity into the issue at hand.
For now, I am off to enjoy my first visit to Ohio State as an alumnus.
So, starting this blog is part of the plan of creating the post-college Patrick Alan West. I have told a few people some of my plans like not wearing an earing anymore or wearing glasses all the time (once i get a new pair) and their response was "why do you wanna change your image?" My answer to that question is really, why not? I am transitioning to a new period in my life and because of that, a careful inspection of the things that I do is warranted.
Right Now here is part of creating the new me
1. Stop wearing the earing (I can't wear it at work and it adds no value so why bother)
2. Eat healthy
3. Exercise regularly
4. Learn to play golf
5. Wear glasses
6. Watch the news (or read the newspaper) everyday
7. Reflect on my thoughts and write them down (this is the purpose of the blog)
8. Find a volunteer opportunity that I enjoy in Midland
9. Become more involved at church
10. Make intentional efforts to stay in touch with my college friends
11. Ask for things more often
This is the list so far but I am sure that it will be edited as I get into my job and get used to being around Midland. For those of you reading this and that know me, I am going to need your help. Please make sure that I am staying on track and if you have any suggestions of things that I might enjoy and would enrich my experience, let me know.
For those who go to Ohio State, you have probably heard about Chalk the Walk for commencement week. In my chalking, I wrote, "College last for 4 years but memories last a lifetime..." In my reflection about what makes me, me versus what are things I need to improve on in my life, I have found it hard to sift through the years of habits and doing what others do to really determine who I really am. Being separated from all that I know and love (besides my car) will probably give me some clarity into the issue at hand.
For now, I am off to enjoy my first visit to Ohio State as an alumnus.
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