Friends. How many of us have them?

One thing that I have realized that is it very difficult for a man and woman to be close friends. There is always the possibility the one is wanting to be more than friends or one thinks the other wants to. Regardless of if it is true or not, these realities make a close friendship with a member of the opposite sex very challenging.

I've been thinking a lot about this and I have realized that the things that make a close friendship what it is are very similar to the things that make a relationship what it is minus the physicality.

* One caveat. For the rest of this post, unless otherwise specified, the term relationship should be understood to be like a boyfriend/girlfriend type of relationship.

1. A close friend is someone who you can trust with your most guarded secrets and you look to for advice. That friend is the person you turn to when you are backed up against the wall and you can't figure a way out. In my opinion, a relationship should be the same way. You should be able to trust the person that you are with in that sense with the things that are closest to your heart.

2. A close friend is someone who you will say and do anything that you feel that is in their best interest regardless of how it may make them feel about you at the time. If you cannot trust a friend to be completely honest with you, then who can you trust? This is not saying that you should tell your friends everything about you. This just means that when soliciting advice, a close friend has the obligation to tell the truth without a censor. The truth can hurt but in my experience the consequences of not knowing the truth hurts more in the end. A relationship is a little different depending on the stage and/or seriousness of the relationship. However, being that I am 22 years old, I am at the stage of my life where I consider relationships to be serious commitments and could have life-long implications. Speaking from that point, a relationship should be the same way. That person is on that you depend because at the end of the day, that is the person that you decided to share you life with in a way different then any other person that you are engaged with.

3. A close friend is someone that cares for you so deeply that if conflict exists between the two, then it will cause that person's life to be all out of sorts until the situation is resolved. Have you ever been in an argument that was so intense that it messed up your day, week, or month? That is what I am talking about. Emotions that run so deep that once the balance in thrown off, everything else in your life is also thrown off. I think this happens because a close friend knows you so well that they know what buttons to push to send you reeling. In arguments, people say things that are not warranted and can be harsh and because of that arguments with friends are dangerous. Knowledge is definitely power in this sense.

So...what can you do? It is silly to think that men and women should not be close friends, even though that their are very popular sayings that overwhelmingly contrary. Part of me feels that the only way to deal with what could become an issue later is to address it every so often. I was watching Miracle with a very good friend yesterday and Coach Herb Brooks said to his players that you do not defend the Soviets, you attack them. It is like saying that the best defense is a good offense. Anyways, away from sports references and back to the issue at hand. Wouldn't that be a awkward conversation though?

Man: Hey whats up
Woman: Nothing Much
Man: I have to tell you something
Woman: What?
Man: Well, I think you should know that I really care about you as a friend but I do not have romantic feelings for you
Woman: Well, I don't have them for you either.
Man: That's good then
Woman: I agree
Man: Let's go see a movie or something

Could you imagine if people had regular conversations like this, just to make sure that nothing had changed and everyone was still friends? What would come of this? There would probably be a lot less fights between friends but I think that this approach is to practical and methodical to be part of a real friendship. Friends are the ones whom you can be silly around, say ridiculous things to and with, and act a fool without the fear of being serious judged or ridiculed. Having friendships like this are therapeutic. The world is too serious for you not to have someone who you can let loose in front of.

Ahh well, it is what it is.